Troubles

I think I’m going to take a break from this blog and from my whole happiness project. I’m having some terrible personal issues, and the fact that I live with my dad, who is constantly reminding me how insignificant and fat I am, isn’t really helping me be more happy at all. Yes, only you can choose to help yourself. But honestly, that’s bullshit when you have no support, no family, and no kind of encouragement to keep you going. So, I hope to be back soon, but right now, I need to focus on me and my issues. Not my family, not my happiness, not my weight loss. Just me and my messed up little head of mine. 

Be Strong and Stay Happy

I’m having one of those days where nothing goes right and my depression starts to kick in. I’ve been going strong these past couple of weeks, and I’m honestly surprised with how well I’m doing with my whole happiness project. I’m going to keep trucking through, because I’m not a quitter. And happiness isn’t something someone should quit anyway.

I just feel like I should give myself the advice I’m always giving to others around me. 

Today may be hard. You might want to give up, but tomorrow, if you do, you’ll regret it. You are the only person who can help yourself. Giving up on life or happiness wouldn’t be helpful at all. So, take the negative days and the negative people in strides. Deal with them instead of stuffing them away for later. Confront your issues. Realize why you’re upset, and deal with it. Change it. Choose to be happy.

There. I’m feeling a little better already.

Friends Are A Beautiful Thing

I had an amazing day today. I finally got out of the house and spent all day with one of my good friends, Kayla. I haven’t seen her in months, so it was really a breath of fresh air to be around her. We talked nonstop and laughed constantly. It felt so good to finally, really laugh! I honestly smiled more today than I have in the past two months.

I have started to become depressed again. I guess never leaving the house can do that to a person. But I’ve been so busy with moving and figuring out my school stuff, that I kind of forgot how fun it is to relax and take a day off to just be yourself. I definitely realized today, that I need to put more time aside and hang out with my friends. Which honestly sounds much harder than you would think. I’ve kind of been running low on friends lately. I’ve started to push the negative people out of my life, because I don’t need them. I don’t need all of that negativity. I guess I never realized how many negative people I kept close to me. So, after all of that “friends” cleansing, I only have about three friends that I can actually trust and rely on.

Usually I would find myself complaining about that, and getting angry at myself for pushing people away. But now, I’m not so erked by it anymore. I’d rather be surrounded by a few great friends, than a huge group of unreliable, negative, judgmental friends.

Today was just so awesome, and now that I’ve realized how important the few friends I have are to me, I’m going to try and see them more. I miss the old days when we would have a girls night every weekend and we would have sleepovers and get togethers and laugh all night long. Now that I have to be an adult, I kind of miss the adolescent years. lol.

Even if it’s just a few hours once a week that I get to act like a kid again, its so worth it.

What A Busy Week!

Wow, I have never sweat and ached so much in my life! I’ve been so busy this past week moving things into a new home, that I’ve started to lose track of time. I feel terrible for neglecting my blog for so long! But, I’m hopefully back for good now.  The house is beautiful. It has a finished basement, and a gigantic living room. Four bedrooms and two baths. It’s a very lovely place. I wish I had taken more pictures to show everyone! But, it’s definitely still a work in progress. Boxes and totes are strewn all over the place, and it will probably be another week before everything is complete and put together. But, it’s something I’m actually looking forward to.

And while I’m elated that I’m finally living in a house for the first time in almost a year and a half, there seems to still be things in my life determined to wreck my happiness. My family is always trying to bring me down, and in the past I have always let it get to me and make me depressed for weeks on end. But for the past month, I’ve been working on my emotions and myself as a whole, and I’ve actually gotten through it in a whole, happy piece. Yes, there were a few headaches and pains during the process, but that’s to be expected.

I know I am far from my happiness goal, and even farther from making peace with my family, but this small positive step has definitely shown me that anything is possible. I’m very excited for this year and next. I see and feel great things coming my way.

Busy Busy Life

Hello guys! I’m just gonna give a quick update, I might not post anything new for the next few days, because I’m moving in/cleaning my new house! I’m very excited about everything.

Just wanted to let everyone know, I’m not neglecting my happiness goal! I’m working on it, I just won’t update about it for, at most, a week. 

Hope everyone else is having a great day/week! 

Step Towards Equality

This is just going to be a short post, but it’s going to be full of nothing but awesomeness, I swear.

Today, Obama has finally declared his support for gay and lesbian marriages. I know he’s getting a lot of shit for it. I know he’s probably doing it to get extra votes, but I’m still unbelievably happy about it! Out of all of the candidates for President, he’s the only one whose even ACKNOWLEDGED the LGBT community. He’s the only one actually trying to help us. Whether he actually supports it or not, he isn’t AGAINST it, and that means so much to me honestly.

I’m a lesbian. I haven’t come out of the closet to everyone because I know that there is still a lot of controversy in the LGBT community. I mean, where I live, a person can get fired from their job for being gay. It’s actually a law! That’s scary for people who are gay and want to come out, but obviously can’t. But now, I’m tired of hiding who I am. I am finally proud and happy to say that I am a lesbian and I will fight for LGBT equality until my dying day.

LGBT Pride Parade San Francisco 2009

No More Negativity

Alright, so to make up for my not so happy post earlier today, I’m going to make a short list of the things in my life right now that I am so thankful for. 

  • My dog. He’s 13 years old, and I know I won’t have him in my life much longer. I show him how much  I love him every day, and he does the same for me. 
  • My younger siblings. I wouldn’t know what to do without them. I love them with all of my heart.
  • Books. Without them, the world would be a very boring place.
  • My best friend, Kayla. She has been my friend for several years now, and has never left my side. Through the good and the bad, she’s always been there to catch me when I fall. She knows exactly what to say when I need advice, and she knows when to call me out when I’m doing something reckless/stupid. I’ve already lost a best friend this year, if I lost her, my life would fall apart.
  • Amazon.com. Because of them, I can get the yoga mat and other books that I’ve been wanting. Materialistic? I don’t care! It makes me happy.

I think everyone should take a second out of their lives, at least once a week or even once a month, to sit down and really think about what they have. Not shoes, clothes, and electronics. Nothing like that. Really think about the small things in your life that make it that much better. Make a list and keep it hung up in your bathroom, or on the refrigerator. Somewhere that you can see it every day and realize that you really don’t have it bad at all. As long as you have those things in your life, then you’ve got it pretty damn good.

 

My Life is a Mess

I feel like a hypocrite. I am starting down this road to improve my life, and live a healthier and happier lifestyle, but at the same time, the things I need to work on, the issues I need to confront, are the things I’m choosing to ignore. I feel like I can fix everything else in my life and that will be good enough. I can’t trust people anymore. I have low expectations when it comes to people going through with things. I expect the absolute least from people, so when the times come when they disappoint me, hurt me, or just leave, I won’t be too scarred by the fact.

That all sounds so melodramatic, I know. And instead of going in to a huge rant about why I feel that way, I’ll give it you short and sweet. Everyone in my life, friends and family, have NEVER given me any reason to think otherwise. I’ve been called a failure, fat, a disappointment, a child incapable of making my own decisions, lazy, a pig; and most of those have come from my own family members! How can a person learn to be happy, when the biggest obstacle causing them to be unhappy is their own flesh and blood?

It seems so easy you know? They’re you’re family, forgive and forget! But it’s really not as simple as 1-2-3. My family is nothing but negative, mean, and spiteful people. They are constantly starting drama, and talking about anyone and everyone. They judge and they bully, and it’s honestly a little sick knowing that I’m related to people like that. I haven’t heard the words, “I love you” from a family member (besides my siblings) in years. I haven’t heard praise from my family since I was a little girl. I don’t get support from anyone, and my dreams and passions are always being shot down.

I’m not going to give up on my happiness journey because I have a selfish family, I refuse to let them ruin this for me. But it’s hard getting through such a huge step in my life with the weight of their hatred and judgement on my shoulders. This journey is going to be long and hard, but I know I will make it to the end, with or without my families support.

Question of the day: For anyone who has family issues, or friend issues, how do you deal with that? Have you forgiven and moved on, or are you still battling with them? What advice would you give someone  in the same situation?

Revelations and Yoga

I came to the revelation early this morning, that my life is one giant hot mess.  I am always telling people that I am passionate about so much, and that I want to accomplish even more. Which, I am and I do, but I’ve realized that I’m not actually doing anything about those passions. I’ve become so reliant on the internet and social networking sites, that I’ve started to become, dare I say it, lazy! I don’t go out anymore; not even with my family. My cousin had her first baby almost a month ago and I haven’t been to visit her. That makes me feel horrible, not just because I haven’t made the effort to go see her, but also because I’ve gotten to the point where I’m too lazy to even leave the house. That’s actually very sad.

Yesterday was the first day in many months that I spent actual quality time with my two younger siblings. We went to a baseball game, and my younger sister sang the National Anthem with her choir. I hate baseball, but I had an absolute blast. My younger brother even got a foam finger, and won a baseball in a raffle!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
That is what made me realize that I need to do more with my life. Even if it’s just a ten minute walk every morning; it allows me to have me time, and to get out of the house and have some fresh air. I’m tired of talking positive and acting positive, but not actually doing positive. So, I’ve decided to take control of my life and start being more active. Those walks I mentioned? Yep, I’m going to start implementing them into my daily routine. Daily morning walks will give me the energy I need too, to stay awake in the morning instead of sleeping in until godawful hours into the afternoon. I’m also going to start doing yoga. It will help me accomplish my weight loss goal I want to achieve and is still relaxing.

I’m feeling really good about all of these changes I’m going to be making, and I feel like this blog is going to help me too. Who else is starting to take control of their lives? And if you are, what steps are you taking? What are your goals? I think it’ll be great to start a support circle!

The Struggle for Happiness

I believe that the hardest question in life that anyone will have to answer is, “What is true happiness to me?”

For everyone, it will be a different answer, but for most the answer seems almost impossible to grasp. True happiness seems almost alien, at least to me anyway. If you’ve always been a happy person, how do you know when you’ve reached your capacity? Is there more happiness out there for you, or are you truly content with your life? If you’ve always been dealt the shitty hand in life, how do you know where the road to happiness begins? There are so many questions and obstacles in a persons way when it comes to confronting the journey to true happiness, that it’s no wonder everyone seems so miserable in life.

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( Image credit: marleeward.com )

Happiness, how do you get there? Well, I think the first step to consider before reaching that point, is to take a moment to yourself, relax, and realize that the world is a huge place. Nearly 6 billion people are sharing this planet with you, and facing their own problems every single day. 6 billion people with their own stories and their own struggles. That seems pretty amazing, huh? After you realize how great that number is, then focus on the fact that, you as a single person, cannot help everyone. Not even your closest friends and/or family can be helped by you. Trying to make everyone else around you happy, before you make yourself happy has never gotten anyone anywhere. Confront your own issues at your own pace. Talk to someone. Start a blog. Write in a journal. Hell, even talk to yourself! The first step of becoming a truly happy person, is to realize that you can’t help everyone and that the same goes for you; you are the only person who can help you.

In order to be happy, you must realize what is making you so damn unhappy in the first place.

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